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JUPITER TONANS 



BY 



A SEQUENCE OF SEVEN SONN^TJ^. 5, BOARD 0^ TAX APPEALS 

DIV.-2r_-— DOCKET^^^ 

ADMITTED IN EVIOfiMC^ "^ ^ ^^ 

MY 3 1 1932 

EXHIBIliL-il- 

REBPONDEMT't 



JOHN ARMSTRONG CHALOSJER 



AUTHOR OF 



"Scorpio," "Pieces of Eight," Etc. 



"MorG in sorrow than in anger." — Hamlet. 
"I must be cruel only to be kind." — Hamlet. 



PALMETTO PRESS: 
Roanoke Rapids, North Carouna 

Nineteen Hundred and Sixteen 






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COFYRIQHT 
1917 



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OCT 15 1917 



)C!.A47?041 



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JUPITER TONANS 



PROLOGUE. 

The Muse doth now assume a frowning brow 

And on Her Albion doth darkly frown 

For chastisement most stern's the order now 

The fierce fires of Her wrath have been called down. 

As our ancestor's home she loveth her — 

She loveth Britain with a perfect love — 

But Her wrath burns when Britons boldly err 

When Her^— t' ope vials of Her wrath — they move. 

And when she frowns the sky around is black 

Black as a cloud with light 'ning in her womb 

Which when it strikes is second to the crack 

And second ordy to the crack o' Doom. 

Prepare bold Britons for a dreadful time 

When ye do turn the page and read our rhyme. 

JOHN ARMSTRONG CHALONER, 

"The Merry Mills," 
Cobham, Albemarle County, 
Virginia. 
June 7, 1916. 



A SEQUENCE OF SEVEN SONNETS 

ENTITLED 

"JUPITER TONANS" 



Perfidious Ponsonby ! Thy Judas words f 

Have brought tlie judgment of tlie Skagerrack! 

In that ensanguined day the Lord accords 

The proof that He would lash Great Britain's back. 

We'd hoped the term: "Perfidious Albion" 

Was now gone out of date for e'er and aye 

Sunk in the waters of Oblivion 

To lie forgotten till the Judgment Day. 

But you — vile Judas — have revamped that term 

sShown Britain treacherous as e'er of yore 

Shown treachery with her's a deathless germ 

An ever running and an open sore. 

The blood of Jutland's fight on Jutland's surge 

Proves Albion Jehovah sore would scourge. 



J. A. C. 

June 5, 1916. 



JUPITER TONANS 



II. 



If Britain had resented perfidy 

As Russia, France or Belgium would have done 

The "House" would have howled down vile Ponsonby 

Contempt had burst from every Mother's son ! 

Instead of which phlegmatic as gross kine 

Ye sat as mute as Baslian's full-fed bulls 

Showing yourselves akin to German swine — 

Enmigh! For shame the writer th' curtain pulls. 

Repent in ashes and in sackcloth dire 

Beware the vengeance of Almighty God! 

Beware lest ye arouse the deadly ire 

That shHveUed Sodom 'neath the fiery rod ! 

Ye muddy mettaled rascals have a car'e! 

The sword of Damocles hangs by a hair. 

J. A. C. 
June 5, 1916. 



JUPITER TONANS 



III. 



British conceit is stuff too thick for words 

It is opaque and dense as London's fogs 

One parallel (done the world affords 

The gi'ossly "swelled head" of vile German hogs! 

A byword in the world ye two do stand 

For crude conceit and self-sufficiency 

For self-complacency celestial bland 

For self-assurance ludicrous to see. 

But we have hopes this war'll reduce thine "head" — 

Its only blunders have been made by you — 

On thy lack of gen'ralship bright light's been shed — 

And on thy slogan: "Britain muddles through!" 

The Lord lets that because of Shakspeare's tongue 

But sees to it thy withers are well wrung! 

J. A. C. 
June 5, 1916. 



JUPITER TO NANS 



IV. 

"There must be no revenge against Germany after the war." — David 
Lloyd-George. 

Now with Lloyd-George have we a word to say. 

Thou canny Welsh attorney lend thine ear. 

Apply the "muffler" to thine ass-like bray 

That o'er the ocean's wastes comes ringing clear. 

We credit thee as Britain's leading man 

The brains of Britain lie 'neath thy shag hair 

But have a care or thou wilt botch thy plan 

Lest that thou "gum the game" take canny care ! 

The flames of vengeance must he kept alive 

After the war against d — d Germany 

Or else that hloody harlot will contrive 

To Britain heat iHKrace for trade — pardie! 

Th'allies must boycott Germany-the-d — d 

Or th'allies marts with her counterfeits be crammed. 

J. A. C. 
June 5. 1916. 



JUPITER TO NANS 



V. 

Trade for Great Britain is the breath of life 

Material salvation that way lies 

And trade is — next to war — a deadly strife 

Who denies this or fools, is fooled or lies. 

The hope of Britain's in aggressive trade — 

There's in aggressive warfare safety lies — 

To talk of ought else is a fool's tirade 

To fill the air with a d— n fool, his cries. 

The flame of vengeance is a sacred fire ! 

A vestal flame that from the altar shines 

As pledge of Britain's deathless and high ire 

At German rapes — at all the German crimes. 

Bewa/re Lloyd-George ! Beware the Pit of Hell ! 

That yawns for thee such buncombe for to tell. 

J. A. 0. 
June 5, 191G. 



JUPITER TONANS 



VI. 



Ye cannot treat her as a noble foe — 
As France or Russia in the days of 3'ore — 
For all the world foul Germany doth know 
To be a histful, savage, cruel wh-re. 
Hatred of Vice should make all hate that hag! 
That Hell-hag treacherous as murderous — 
Who robs and cuts throats and then "leaves the bag 
To be held'' by the least adventurous! 
Two masters in this world no man may serve- 
Christ said that and Christ knew Avhat He did say — 
If to frown down rape and murder yeVe the nerve 
Hatred of Germany must hurn for aye! 
Germania entire supporteth what was done. 
When maidens by the score were raped in Belgium ! 

J. A. C. 

June 7, 191 C. 



JUPITER TONANS 



VII. 

"And every one that hath forsaken houses, or brethren, or sisters. 
or father, or mother, or wife, or children, or lands, for my name's 
sake shall receive an hundredfold, and shall inherit everlasting life." — 
St. Matthew xix:29. 

This shows that reLatives shoiikl be "turned down" 

When the}^ offend against the Word of God. 

That on the Germans Britons e'er should frown 

Cut dead and pass them by without a nod. 

"Pray for your enemies" means their reform — 

A change of heart and change of filthy life — 

Not their success in crimes that pass the norm 

Not murder, rapine, and barbaric strife. 

"Love your enemies" hut give them a wide berth — 

"Evil communications" — all know the rest — 

Give Germany the width of all the earth 

Or with a moral syph'lis thoiClt he hlest! 

That Germans are thy Idn is thy dark shame 

Trv to outlive it and be free from blame. 

J. A. C. 

June 8, 1916. 



J U P I T E R T O N A N S 10' 



EPILOGUE. 

And now farewell forever and a day ! 

No more advice to Britain do we give. 

We did mean well in all that we did say 

If we have chafed thy feelings — pray forgive. 

We now retire forever from the world 

And all our time devote unto the Muse 

In Whose sweet serWce is our incense curled 

Who aids us when our rights our foes abuse. 

These sweet Virginia woodlands are our home 

We love the people and we love the clime 

No more through the broad world shall we bold roam 

But worshipping the Muses pass our time. 

Farewell bold Britons! We be of one blood. 

So help me G — d, I've writ but for thy good! ' 

J. A. C. 
June 8, 1916. 



JUPITERTONANS 11 



Richmond Times-Dispatch, May 25, 1916, Richmond, Virginia, t 

"TIME IS NOT RIPE TO TALK OF PEACE." 

Sir Edward Grey Plainly Reiterates That Position Of Allies Is In 

No Way Changed. 

Agree To Act Together. 

Discusses Propriety Of Employing "American Pi'ess As A Platform." 

London, May 24. — Sir Edward Grey, the British Foreign Secretary, 
in a speech in the House of Commons to-day, set aside all ideas that 
peace negotiations were probable at the present stage, and plainly 
reiterated that the position of the entente allies was in no way 
changed. 

Sir Edward's impromptu address was on the question of peace 
and the propriety of employing the "American press as a platform," 
subjects raised by Arthur Ponsonby, Liberal member for Stirling, 
Scotland, in a strong address attacking the government for allowing 
diplomatic etiquette to stand in the way of possible peace pourparlers. 

Sir Edward declared tliat it was impossible to consider terms of 
peace without a previous agreement between the allies. Further he 
expressed the decided opinion that the hostilities had not yet reached 
a stage where it was possible to talk peace, especially as the German 
public was continually being "fed with lies" by their ministers. 

Mr. Ponsonby's reference to the use of the American press as a 
platform was the outgrowth of a recent interview with Sir Edward 
Grey. Sir Edward, in replying to this attack, while admitting that 
important disclosures of policy ought first to be made to Parliament 
argued that a crisis might arise during the war when considerations 
of etiquette should not be allowed to stand in the way. 

He contended that, since German statesmen constantly were giving 
interviews and statements to the American press, it would be mere 
pedantry which would hinder British statesmen from countering these 
statements in the interests of their OAvn country. 



12 JUPITERTONANS 

Ponsonhy Argues Against Ohligations To Allies. 

Mr. Ponsonby argued in favor of countenancing peace possibilities 
and against prolonging the war, merely for the sake of obligations to 
Great Britain's allies. 

Sir Edward Grey, in replying, said the allies were bound by com- 
mon obligations not to put forward any terms of peace except by 
mutual agreement; and that the entente allies were under obligations 
not to act separately on peace terms. He added if any of the allies 
had a right to speak with regard to peace at the present moment, it 
was France, on whom the furious attacks of Germany had been con- 
centrated. 

France Has First Right To Speak About Peace. 

Sir Edward Grey further said: 

"Through the long battle of Verdun, France is saving, not only 
herself, but her allies as well. If any one has a right to speak about 
peace, it is France, and President Poincare has spoken. I believe it 
is the duty of diplomacy to maintain the solidarity of the allies and 
to give the utmost support to the national and military measures 
which are being taken by the allies in common to bring the war to a 
stage it has not yet reached, in which the prospect of maintaining an 
enduring peace will be with the allies. 

Mr. Ponsonby has hardly seemed to realize that we were at war." 



BOOK REVIEWS 



New York Tribune, December 24, 1914. 

MOVED TO WRATH BY KAISBR, CHALONER BREAKS INTO 

VERSE. 



His Sonnet in "Pieces of Eight" Liken Germans to Gadarene Swine 

and are Framed in French After Exhausting Vituperation 

in Anglo-Saxon. 

In twenty-four sonnets, perpetrated in Virginia, John Arm- 
strong Clialoner — who once asked his brother Robert, the famous 
Question, "Who's looney now?" — bombards the Teutons with rare 
and awe-inspiring virulence. So great is his ire that a little of it 
spills over onto William R. Hearst and the pacifists. 

"Pieces of Eight" is the name of the book, and Chaloner gets 
the range on the very first shot. Listen: 

The swine o' th' Gadarenes are here once more 
That demon-haunted herd now scour the earth 
Led by Bill William Two, their great wild boar 
Their antics, 'pon my soul, give cause for mirth! 
In massed formation do they charge pell mell! 
Showing less judgment than a herd of swine 
In massed formation are they sent to Hell — 
That's where dead Germans go I dare opine. 

The third sonnet begins so violently that the poetic fervor 
flags after the fourth line, though enough rage remains to make a 
tolerable ending: 

Thy private murdering ruffian officers 
Show to what depths a learned race can sink. 
The calling grand of arms their action slurs, 
'Mongst soldiers make the name of German stink! 

Again, in the seventh, the bard fairly bellows his confidence: 

One Briton bold two Germans equal be 

One Frenchman's equal to two Sourkraut 

The truth of this full easy is to see 

Fro' th' way the allies put the Teutons out! 

These gross Sausage-Eaters surely have no show — 

Less chance than snowball in fell hottest Hell! 



14 J U P I T E R T N A N S 



In Sonnet Twenty, Chaloner unlimbers against "all members 
and supporters of premature societies," whom he apostrophizes thus: 

Ye piffling little squirts that drape the earth — 

Limp's macaroni or spaghetti slim — 

Your antics make a man of humor grin * * * 

He closes with the quite unanswerable question, "What should 
I do were there not fools to shoot and lying fakers who the tin horn 
toot?" To Professor ":\Ionsterburg," whom he terms a "vile Hes- 
sian," he pays the compliment of an entire sonnet, wrathy as though 
aimed at William II himself. The Hearst papers, "who palpably for 
selfish ends, yell for premature peace in 'Europe," are thundered 
at as 

Pimps and panders of the daily press. 
Pimping your vicious wares e'en day by day. 

So mighty is the poet's indignation, that the rest of it might be 
called "pieces of hate." 

Now and again, after exhausting his stock of English epithets, 
the singer dips into French, pitching out three or four sonnets on 
Liege and the Belgians, but in this language he seems less at home, 
and the bulk of the book is good old Anglo-Saxon vituperation. 



New York World, January 4, 1915. 
CHALONER'S WAR SONNETS THERE WITH THE "PUNCH." 



Famous Author of Query "Who's looney now?" Takes Pen in Hand 
to Flay and Skin the Kaiser. 



Lauds "Przemysl," But Doesn't Try to Rhyme It. 

Takes Fall Out of Prof. "^Tonsterberg" and "W. R. Hearse" in 
"Pieces of Eight." 

John Armstrong Chaloner has presented himself to the public 
once more as an author. Nothing that ne will ever write, probably, 
will make as great a popular hit as the single line he sent to his 
brother, "Sheriff Bob" Chanler, of this city, when Lina Cavalieri, 
the opera singer, after a short period of married life with "Bob," 
left him. 



JUPITER TONANS 15 

"Who's looney now?" he wired, when "Bob's" bride departed — 
a tiny piece of literature that gripped the country and was twisted 
into innumerable songs and verses. 

The European war has inspired Mr. Chaloner, who is living in 
"Merry Mills," Va., to a series of sonnets entitled "Pieces of Eight." 
Although in his preface he says that he has German blood in his 
veins, as well as British, French and other varieties, his efforts are 
bent entirely toward skinning the Kaiser alive with his pen. 

The First Sonnet. 

His first sonnet is called "The Swine of the Gadarenes" (the 
swine into which Christ cast the evil spirits in His miracle). It runs 
thus: 

The swine o' th' Gadarenes are here once more 
That demon-haunted herd now scour the earth 
Led by Bill William Two, their great wild boar 
Their antics, 'pon my soul, give cause for mirth! 
In massed formation do they charge pell mell! 
Showing less judgment than a herd of swine 
In massed formation are they sent to Hell — 
That's where dead Germans go I dare opine. 
How many wild boars v/ill there soon be left 
To meet the Cossacks crowding on their rear, 
While French and English harry right and left 
With skill and coolness plying wild boar spear? 
The German Empire now doth hurry on 
To perish i' th' waters of oblivion! 

"Light Touch; Original Wording." 

Another poem bears a much less stilted title. This is named 
"Get Off, Said General Joffre," and despite its dire predictions shows 
a much lighter touch, to say nothing of some original wording. Thus: 

One Briton bold two Germans equal be 
One Frenchman's equal to two Sourkraut 
The truth of this full easy is to see 
Fro' th' way the allies put the Teutons out! 
These gross Sausage-Eaters surely have no show — 
Less chance than snowball in fell hottest Hell! 
So off of Prance' fair soil they swift must go 
Or black disaster shall their sojourn spell! 



16 JUPITERTONANS 



The Poet's "Gathering-Cry." 

Then again there is a rallying hymn, in which Mr. Chaloner 
praises the British Empire. He describes this as a "gathering-cry" 
and says it was inspired by one of his employees, the son of a Brit- 
ish Colonel. This runs: 

Thy stalwart sons do gather to thy call 
All quarters of the globe give up their toll 
And on the brutal foe like bull-dogs fall 
Fiery as race-horse charging for the goal! 
Proud am I that my veins do course thy blood 
Proud am I that my home's beyond the sea — 
Home o' my Fathers — be it understood — 
For Columbia's the home that shelters me. 
Hurrah! For th' Anglo-Saxon and the Celt! 
Hurrah! For Scotch — for Irish — and for Welsh! 
Ruin to th' foe is by that "Hurrah" spelt! 
Hell, Death and brimstone doth that shrapnel belch 
The English-speaking race for aye is one 
And all who brave it to defeat go down! 

The line about "hell, death and brimstone" needn't be used, 
Mr. Chaloner points out, by those with what he calls "non-conform- 
ist consciences." There is a substitute line "Death and destruction 
doth that shrapnel belch!" 

Przemysl As A Shibboleth. 

The author partially abandons his vitriol bottle for a time when 
he deals with Przemysl, as follows: 

Przemysl is a word to conjure with, 

A hoodoo potent lurketh in said word. 

That word doth reek with African voodoo pith; 

For th' Austrian Empire, 'tis Th' Avenger's sword. 

He draws that word and fierce battalions fall! 

He waves that word and army corps go down! 

Its merest whisper doth the world appall — 

Of Austro-Hungary spells dying groan. 

A very shibboleth said word stands forth! 

An open sesame to fiercest hell! 

The slogan of the legions of the north, 

A slogan that the Czar's troops answer well! 

Przemysl, what the Dyvvyl thou dost mean. 

Calls on Omniscience to solve out, I ween! 



JUPITERTONANS 17 

Calls For The Police. 

"The Great Quadrilateral; or. The Police of the World," con- 
tains Mr. Chaloner's predicition of what will come at the end of 
the war. For instance: 

The Allies will suppress Teuton and Hun 

And hold them suppressed till the crack o' doom. 

This is as sure as though by Fate 'twere spun 

Or had been uttered in a Runic rune. 

Th* armies and navies of the allies then 

Will with Columbia's hold conference. 

And at The Hague will then — by stroke of pen — 

Be signed what's needed for the world's defense. 

Defense from what? From Teuton-Hun revolt 

Or villain Turk — that blot on Nature's face! 

Thus Peace policed is, by War's thunderbolt — 

Thus only surely lifts her smiling face. 

Unto this quadrilateral supreme 

Must peace disturbers bow their crests, I ween. 

Strictly Personal Verse. 

To the Kaiser personally are dedicated several of Mr. Chal-' 
oner's scorching verses, which, through fear of the police and re- 
spect for the family circle of World readers, and because of this 
paper's neutrality, are not here reproduced. The ending of one 
may perhaps be given: 

My German blood doth curse thee to deep hell! 
A curse as black as rhyme and reason spell. 

But not only to war did the agile pen of the Virginia Chaloner 
confine itself. He takes a wallop at Prof. Hugo "Monsterburg," as 
he dubs the Harvard Physchologist, and later on, referring to their 
proprietor as "Mr. W. R. Hearse," used the New York American and 
Evening Journal as the title for one of his verses, and tells what he 
thinks of those papers. 

The first part of this cannot be printed, unless on asbestos pa- 
per and for private circulation. 

There are a couple of score "hells" scattered through the book, 
to say nothing of other words not commonly in use by Sunday School 
classes. Whatever its literary quality, it must be admitted that 
"Pieces of Eight" is there with the punch. 



18 JUPITERTONANS 

Aberdoen Free Press, 30 Union St., Aberdeen, March 12, 1916. 

"Pieces of Eight," by J. A. Chaloner. (North Carolina: Palmetto 
Press. 25 cents.) 

Mr. Chaloner who is an American and strongly pro-Ally, denounces 
the Germans in a series of sonnets, entitled "The Swine of the Gada- 
renes." Aiming deliberately at the fierceness of Swift, he does not 
mince his words in so good a cause. Here are the opening lines of 
his first sonnet: 

The swine o' th' Gadarenes are here once more. 
That demon-haunted herd now scour the earth, 
Led by Bill William Two, their great wild boar; 
Their antics, 'pon my soul, give cause for mirth! 
In massed formation as they charge pell-mell. 
Showing less judgment than a heard of swine; 
In massed formation are they sent to Hell — 
That's where dead Germans go I dare opine. 

Mr. Chaloner tells us that the first eight sonnets were offered free 
to several American newspapers but were refused. This could not, he 
thinks, have been owing to their lack of quality, for "anyone can see 
that they are correct iambic pentameters." We wonder what more 
those American editors could want than correct iambic pentameters! 



Outlook, 167, Strand, W. C, London, February 19, 1916. 

Pieces of Eight, by John Armstrong Chaloner. (North Carolina: 
Palmetto Press. 25 cents.) 

A sequence of twenty-four war sonnets, the first eight of which 
were offered to various American newspapers and refused. The son- 
nets are all condemnatory of Germany, and the author suggests that 
he "aimed at the fierceness of Swift" in his denunciation. 



Hudderfield Weekly Examiner, London, February 19, 1916. 

ON THE BAT'S BACK. 

"Where the bee sucks, there lurk I; 
In a cowslip's bell I lie; 
There I couch when owls do cry. 
On the bat's back do I fly 
After summer merrily." 

— The Tempest. 



JUPITERTONANS 19 

"PIECES OF EIGHT." 

The Americans are a wonderful people. They have given to the 
world the Declaration of Independence, cocktails, and the poems of 
Ella Wheeler Willcox. They have also produced Mr. John Armstrong 
Chaloner, of "The Merry Mills," Cobham, Albemarle county, Virginia. 
Lest, in your benighted ignorance, you should be unaware of the ante- 
cedents and achievements of that gentleman, let me inform you in 
his own words, that he is "an Anglo-Saxon who has also the following 
strains in his veins — namely, Welsh, Scotch, Scotch-Irish, French, 
Dutch, and German, and whose progenitors sailed from Tenby, Wales, 
in 1710, and landed at Charleston, South Carolina — a veritable olla 
porida of ancestors, as you will observe. Mr. Chaloner has already 
made the world of letters richer by a treatise on "The Lunacy Laws 
of the World" and a metrical nosegay under the title of "Scorpio." He 
now seeks, under the further influence of the divine* afflatus, to "un- 
bosom himself upon the European situation," and does so in a slim 
volume of twenty-nine sonnets, entitled "Pieces of Eight." The dom- 
inating strain in our sonneteer is evidently British — 

Proud am I that my veins do course thy blood, 
Proud am I that my home's beyond the sea — 
Home o' my fathers — be it understood — 
For Columbia 's the home that shelters me — 

and he is vehemently — indeed almost apoplectically — pro-Ally. His 
sonnets are grouped together under the engaging title, "Swine of the 
Gadarenes," and he is out (in vulgar parlance) to let our enemies 
"have it in the neck." 

POEMS OF PUGNACITY. 

When "Scorpio" claimed the attention of the Press in 1908, Lord 
Alfred Douglas hailed its author, in the columns of the "Academy" 
as a "metrical bruiser." The appellation is apt. Mr. Chaloner goes 
for his spiritual foes bald-headed, and neither gives nor asks for 
quarter. "How far" he writes, "we fall below the standard of fierce- 
ness set forever and in all tongues — bar, possibly, only Juvenal, 
"Voltaire, and Lord Byron — by the mighty Dean of St. Patrick's — is 
for others to judge." As a humble member of these others I CONFESS 
THAT FOR FRANKNESS OF EXPRESSION OUR POET APPEARS 
TO ME TO OUT-SWIFT SWIFT. He writes beneath the American 
flag, but his enthusiasm could not be bettered in London, Paris, or 
Petrograd. If he lays on the stripes, he makes his opponents see 



20 JUPITERTONANS 

stars. Had Mrs. Willcox mothered these sonnets, I doubt not that 
she would have labelled them "poems of Pugnacity." They certainly 
deserve the title. Our metrical prize-fighter commences his series 
with an engaging little trifle entitled "Pig-Sticking," the introductory 
lines of which run as follows: 

The swine o' th' Gadarenes are here once more. 
That demon-haunted herd now scour the earth, 
Led by Bill William Two, their great wild boar; 
Their antics, 'pon my soul, give cause for mirth! 

"Bill "William Two" is left under no possible misapprehension as 
to the opinion which our author holds of him. Elsewhere he is 
hailed as 

Thou treaty-breaking, perjured potentate, 

and 

Scrofulous leper, with a wither'd arm. 

While Mr. Chaloner nuts into the innocent mouth of Mr. St. Loe 
Strachey, the delicate warning: — 

Watch out for that bloody Dutchman, Windy Bill, 
That smug, moustacho'd lanz-knecht, William Two. 

Shades of "my Grandmother"! What would the regular readers 
of The Spectator say, were their editor, indeed, to address them in 
this fashion? As for the "psychology" of Professor Hugo Munsterberg, 
of Harvard, OUR MODERN SWIFT describes it thus: 

Back number'd dry-as-dust rot-gut it be 
Enough to make Emanuel Kant blank stare. 

And as for the enemy, in gross, Mr. Chaloner encouragingly as- 
sures us that 

These gross Sausage-eaters surely have no show — 
Less chance than snowball in fell hottest hell. 

A forceful, though not original simile, which I should never have 
thought of myself. 

METRICAL BRUISING. 

Our sonneteer has nothing but contempt for "Jews and Gentiles, 
Bond and free, and All other members and Supporters of Premature 



JUPITERTONANS 21 

Peace Societies." His feelings, I dare say, are shared by most of us, 
but we would hardly have the temerity to express them as he does. 
As thus: — 

Ye piffling little sDuirts that drape the earth, 



Lying fakirs who the tin horn toot. 

Mr. W. R. Hearst, the American press magnate who "for palpably 
selfish ends yells for premature peace in Europe," comes in for a 
similar lash of the whip^ — "and id hoc genus omne," as our poet puts it. 

Ye pimps and panderers of the daily press 
Pimping your vicious wares e'en day by day. 
Ye make me smile — e'en laugh — I must confess. 
The way ye do your blooming public "play". 
Flim-flam and buncombe are your stock-in-trade 
"Hot-air" irrsiocrisy your longest suit. 

To this fjriendly greeting is appended a foot-note, which concludes: 
"Mr. W. R. Itlearse (we spell it this way intentionally, since his char- 
acter acts as funeral casket for his vaulting political hopes) we are 
informed, owns rather a large tract of land in Mexico. Eh! What! 
And also prints a German edition of the Evening Journal. Eh! "What!" 
I myself feel pretty strongly about some of our British newspaper 
magnates, but I should not venture to castigate them with quite such 
vehemence as that. But Mr. Chaloner has no such qualms. He sees 
what he calls elsewhere "the cold, hard, undodgable, non-lie-outable 
fact" that Premature Peace people whether here, or in the United 
States, are playing -Germany's game, and, having seen it, he has no 
hesitation in expressing his opinion in fitting language. Nor has he 
any doubts as to the issue of the war. He speaks confidently of a 
time "when Germany shall have been crushed between the upper and 
nether millstone — between the Colossus of the North and France— 
and her undaunted but tottering ally, Austria — a house divided into 
three warring sections against itself — Teuton — Magyar — and Slav — 

shall have been actually dismembered" ! I wonder 

how the printer keeps up with the demand for dashes! 

AMERICA AND THE ALLIES. 

I hope that in the improbable event that these lines reach Mr. 
Chaloner's eye, he will forgive me for chaffing him so freely. For I 
appreciate, as any Englishman must, the deep and sincere sympathy 



JUPITER T O N A N S 



for the Allied cause which has dictated these sonnets, and the pas- 
sionate hatred of the Pru.ssian military machine which breathes through 
every line of them. And I believe that, for all President Wilson's 
silence, our sonneteer expresses the feelings of the majority of his 
fellow-countrymen. America is with us in this struggle. Whether 
she assures us of her sympathy in the SHATTERING DENUNCIA- 
TIONS of Mr. Chaloner, or in the gentler cadences of less strenuous 
voices, we accept and value all that is involved in her support. We 
understand her problems no better than she understands ours, and 
perhaps if we were in the place of Mr. Wilson, we should have played 
no more dramatic part. But it is an immense asset to the cause of 
the Allies — not only now, but for the future — that the citizens of the 
United States should have passed judgment upon our enemies as un- 
mistakably as they have done, and that after full discussion and 
consideration. America has her quarrel with us over the blockade — 
a quarrel which foolish folk would have us exacerbate — but it is a 
quarrel of legal nicety rather than of moral responsibility. With 
Germany her quarrel — as is abundantly evident in these sonnets — 1» 
that of civilization, outraged and ravished by Prussian "necessity." 
Many Americans, as we know, are fretted by their President's impas- 
sivity. Mr. Chaloner is one of them. He strains at the leash and 
fumes to be off on the trail. But I think we are justified in assuring 
him and all who think with him, that we in this country appreciate 
the sympathy which we know to be ours, and realize the great services 
which American men and women have already rendered to the cause 
of humanity in the war. If we wish for something more, that is only 
natural. But for what we have already received, we are grateful. 

ARIEL. 



Hampshire Independent, England, February 10, 1916. 

"Pieces of Eight" is a long pamphlet, by Mr. John Armstrong 
Chaloner, the author of "Scorpio," a copy of which is sent us by the 
publishers, the Palmetto Press, of Roanoke Rapids, North Carolina, 
U. S. A. It embodies a sequence of twenty-four war sonnets by Mr. 
Chaloner, who is "an Anglo-Saxon, who has also the following strains 
in his veins, namely, Welsh, Scotch, Scotch-Irish, French, Dutch, and 
German, and whose progenitors sailed from Tenby, in Wales, in 1710, 
and landed at Charleston, South Carolina," and the writer desires 
through its pages to unbosom himself upon the present European situ- 
ation. He is no pro-German. Listen to what he writes about "The 
Kaiser": — 



JUPITER TONANS 23 

"Thou treaty-breaking, perjured potentate! 
Blaspheming with thy lips the Ood of Truth 
Each time that thou dost dare asseverate 
That 'God is on thy side' — thou great uncouth! 
The fate of Ananias hangs o'er thee 
That sword of Damocles o'er thee suspends 
And in the end thou shalt flat ruined be 
When in the 'rechnung' thou dost pay amends, 
Thy mighty ancestor Frederick the Great 
Turns in his grave at sight of thy foul deed 
Which makes all true men the name of German hate 
As synonym for bloodshed and for greed. 
My German blood doth curse thee to deep Hell 
A curse as black as rhyme and reason spell". 

This is dated September First, 1914, so that Mr. Chaloner soon 
formed his opinion of the Master Hun. His other sonnets — several 
are in French — are in much the same view, all in denunciation of 
German treachery and murderous intent, and of praise of the bravery 
of the heroes of Belgium and of the Allies generally. 



The Enfield Observer, England, February 19, 1916. , 

EDITOR'S TABLE. ';• 

An American Champions The Entente. 

There is no beating about the bush in the war sonnets by an 
American, John Armstrong Chaloner, and published under the singular 
title "Pieces of Eight." Cosmopolitan in blood, he has brought to- 
gether, within the compass of some fifty pages, scathing condemnation 
of German war methods, addressing the Kaiser as "Thou treaty-break- 
ing perjured potentate"; tells supporters of Premature Peace Societies 
that "Your antics shew what cowards can be found in big America"; 
and, singing of the British Empire, declares that "The English-speak- 
ing race for aye is one. And all who brave it to defeat go down.'* 
Appendix notes which elaborate the themes of the sonnets should 
leave the reader in no doubt as to which side the writer's sympathies, 
incline, and amongst various reprints contributed to American jour- 
nals is a forecast, written August, 1914, that the war will last more 
like three years than three months; that France will reverse 1870. . . 
and that France, Russia and Great Britain will become the police 



JUPITER TONANS 



force of Europe. This interesting little publication comes from the 
Palmetto Press, Roanoke Rapids, North Carolina, and is priced at 
25 cents. 



Dorset County Chronicle, England, February 17, 1916. 

"Pieces of Eight" is the title of a sequence of twenty-four war 
sonnets by John Armstrong Chaloner (author of "Scorpio"), in which 
an "Anglo-Saxon with Welsh, Scotch, Irish, French, Dutch, and 
German blood, and whose progenitors sailed from Tenby, in 1710," 
vmbosoms himself upon the European situation. Mr. Chaloner is a 
well-known American, and in these full-blooded verses he utters 
scathing contempt for the Hun and all his works. The "pieces" were 
apparently too much for the New York papers, for they refused pub- 
lication, and so Mr. Chaloner sends them over here in this form 
(price: 25 cents). It is a fierce judgment which he passes on the 
Kaiser: "Scrofulous leper with a withered arm," "crippled German 
clown," are phrases in one of the sonnets, though the poet is careful 
to say that he means moral and not Asiatic leprosy. Mr. Chaloner 
evidently hates the German thoroughly, and he fairly lets himself go. 
They are clever sonnets, too, and because they are so highly finished 
they are the more deadly. The book issues from the Palmetto Press, 
Roanoke Rapids, North Carolina. 



Monmouth sliire Evening Post. England Wednesday, March 1, 1916. 

"PIECES OF EIGHT." 

*'Pieces of Eight" is a sequence of twenty^^four war songs, by John 
Armstrong Chaloner, author of "Scorpio," published at 25 cents by 
the Palmetto Press, Roanoke Rapids, North Carolina. The author, 
who describes himself as "an Anglo-Saxon who has also the following 
strains in his veins, namely, Welsh, Scotch, Scotch-Irish, French, 
Dutch, and German, and whose progenitors sailed from Tenby, Wales, 
in 1710, and landed at Charleston, South Carolina," is a very emphatic 
sympathiser with the Allies, and in these sonnets he does not mince 
his words. He apostrophises the Germans in the very strongest terms, 
and there is an inclination at times to sacrifice poetry for denuncia- 
tion. There can be no mistaking the virility of these sonnets, however. 



JUPITER TONANS 25 



The Bridport News, and Dorset, Devon and Somerset Advertiser. 

Bridport England, February 18, 1916. 

REVIEWS. 

Pieces of Eight.— One would naturally conclude that a book bear- 
ing this title had something to tell us of the Spanish Main and the 
prizes of the cruel and haughty buccaneers of the 16th and 17th 
centuries, but it has a far different purpose. As a matter of fact, it 
is a small volume of twenty-four war sonnets, entitled "The Swine of 
the Gadarenes," by Mr. John Armstrong Chaloner, and published by 
the Palmetto Press, Roanoke Rapids, North Carolina. The title "Pieces 
of Eight" refers to the first eight sonnets in this sequence, which was 
refused publication, although offered free, by the New York Herald, 
the New York American, and the Boston Advertiser. They are cleverly 
written sonnets in praise of the Allies and in condemnation of the 
murdering Huns. Sonnet Five which we reproduce, will give an idea 
of the intensity of feeling against the German outrages on the part 
of the author, who in this respect, represents the feeling of the civil- 
ized world. It is addressed: 

TO THE GERMAN ARMY OFFICERS: 

Who were your Mothers? The foul hags of Hell? 

And who your Fathers? Who? Fiends incarnate? 

And do your sisters, prithee, harlot spell? 

The premise to this sonnet thus I state. 

How otherwise could ye foul do a thing 

That's left to negroes wild, and savages? 

Outrage so ghastly that the world doth ring 

With your most Hellish Belgian ravages! 

Were justice to be done your Kaiser's fall, 

He and his Hellish brood would be cut off. 

And your flayed hides would form their funeral pall. 

In coldest frame I write — not lightsome scoff. 

Ye act like a band of drunken Malays 

Who as acts of God rape and arson appraise. 



The Devon and Exeter Gazette, Exeter, England, February 22, 1916. 

"Pieces of Eight" is a somewhat strange title to a book of verse, 
published by The Palmetto Press, Roanoke Rapids, North Carolina. 
It is a sequence of twenty-four v,'ar sonnets by John Armstrong Chal- 



26 JUPITER TONANS 

oner. Originally the sequence consisted of eight — hence the title. But 
others were added without the name being changed. We only 
can say the poetry is of a strong order — in fact, the author says 
"nothing but the dire — the awful cataclysm — now unfolding itself on 
the field of Europe, and our desire to stand by civilization, truth, and 
honour — as shown by regard for a nation's pledged word in a treaty — 
could have induced us to brave the possible storm of protest at the 
strength of our denunciations in 'Pieces of Eight' and accompanying 
sonnets — or sullen silence of cold disapproval. . . . We aim at the 
fierceness of Swift when we denounce. How far we fall below the 
standard of fierceness set forever and in all tongues — bar, possibly, 
only Juvenal, Voltaire, and Lord Byron — by the mighty Dean of St. 
Patrick's — is for others to judge." Here is a sample of the poet's 
aroused feelings. Addressing the Kaiser, he says: — 

"Thou treaty-breaking, perjured potentate! 
Blaspheming with thy lips the God of Truth 
Each time that thou dost dare asseverate 
That 'God is on thy side' — thou great uncouth! 
The fate of Ananias hangs o'er thee." 

But while the pen is dipped in gall to word-paint our enemies, 
Mr. Chaloner is full of eulogies for the brave Belgians — 

"Nation of heroes! men proud, superb, and strong — 
Who for Liberty like water pour your blood! 
'Strong as Death for Liberty' is your war song. 
'Strong as our faith in Jesus Christ His rood' ". 

He has some sarcastic lines for England in his sonnet on Lord 
Roberts — the "stark old warrior and soldier fine," who "foretold 
Britain's peril line by line." Mr. Chaloner is right — the voice of 
"Bobs" did cry in the wilderness alone, the people slept the sleep of 
Laish the lost. 

"Now for their folly do they dear atone 
Now do they train armed millions — ah! the cost. 
Old hero! Thy wise words are writ in blood! 
Hereafter armed will be British manhood." 

We wish we could subscribe to the latter sentiment. To-day there 
is still too much of the policy of "Wait and See" to be at all certain 
that Britain will ever be armed as she should be. The book is one 
which will arouse one's feeling's to, at least, a vigorous denunciation 
of our enemies and a kindly appreciation of the great acts of heroism 
on the part of our Allies. One feels decidedly better after reading 
the sonnets. 



JUPITER TONANS 27 

John O'Groat's Journal, Friday, March 10, 1916. And Weekly Adver- 
tizer for the counties of Caithness, Sutherland, Ross, Cromarty, 
Orkney, and Zetland. 

LITERATURE. 

SMASHING SONNETS. 

"Piecess of Eight" is the somewhat striking title of a large pam- 
phlet by John Armstrong Chaloner, author of "Scorpio," and issued 
by the Palmetto Press, Roanoke Rapids, North Carolina, price 25 
cents, or Is. The "Pieces of Eight" are war sonnets, and there are 
many others, all characterized by extremely vigorous expression, the 
emphasis of independent thought being more evident even than the 
poetical quality of the lines. We like Mr. Chaloner's straight hitting, 
and should like to meet him and say "shake!" In what he calls his 
prologue he gives the Breakers of Treaties a bit of his mind, and it's 
to be hoped they'll profit by it. The sonnets and prose letters are 
even more direct in their sledge-hammer style than the prologue, and 
if the author aims at the fierceness of Swift when he denounces, he 
certainly does not fall far below the standard set by "the mighty 
Dean of St. Patrick's." The general heading of the sonnets is "The 
Swine of the Gadarenes," and thus he opens: — 

The swine o' th' Gadarenes are here once more. 
That demon-haunted herd now scour the earth. 
Led by Bill William Two, their great wild boar" — 

Enough said. 



Athenaeum, London, March, 1916. 

Chaloner (John Armstrong). Pieces Of Eight: a sequence of 24 war- 
sonnets. Roanoke Rapids, North Carolina, Palmetto Press, 1914. 
9 in. 65 pp. pamphlet, 25 cents. 

A collection of thirty-two violent journalistic sonnets, twenty- 
nine of which are grouped under the title "The Swine of the Gada- 
renes." In this invective against the Germans the author takes Swift 
as his model, and the sledge-hammer as his weapon, but is likely to 
confuse the reader by filling up so much space (32 pp.) with notes, 
comments, extracts from newspaper reports, and reviews of his pre- 
vious work. 



ERRATA. 

Sonnet I. "Revamped" should be "vamped up." 
Sonnet IV. "Lloyd George" is unhyphenated. 
Page 11, eighth line top, "ideas" should be "idea.'- 
Page 13, fourth line top, "sonnet" should be "sonnets." 
Page 13, eleventh line foot, "private-murdering" Is correct 
Page 14, second line top, insert "peace" between "premature" 

and "societies." 
Page 17, third line top, "prediction" should be spelled properly 
Page 18, thirteenth line top, "as" should be "do." 
Page IS, eighth line foot, "Huddersfield" should be spelled 

properly. 
Page 18, eighth line foot, "London" should be "England" 
Page 19, eleventh line top, the quotation marks close at "South 

Carolina." 
Page 19, twelfth line top, "olla podrida" should be spelled 

properly. 
Page 21, the following words should be spelled properly, 

"squirts," "fakers," "panders," "undodgeable." 
Page 2.5, eleventh line top, "was" should be "were." 
Page 25, tenth line foot. "Kaiser's" should be "Kaiser'd." 



